


bittersweet, undefeated creature – against you there is no defence

by sappho_irl



Series: the one with violets in her lap [1]
Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: F/F, Trans Female Character, gay women being gay at each other in slow motion, i sat down for five hours and 3500 words came out, set during 4.0, though this is the collision part of it, trans wol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-26
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:27:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27205214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sappho_irl/pseuds/sappho_irl
Summary: There are only so many places to hide on a boat. Ramiel should know, as she's availed herself of every single one to avoid Alisaie's attention during the long voyage to Doma. But a week into the journey and she's already used them all up. It started innocently (if not childishly) enough - making sure they were never alone, turning and running away the moment their eyes met, all the strategies Ramiel's employed with former paramours in her time before the Scions. Which is the actual problem, because so far as she knows, they've never spent an evening together. Yet lately, the elezen looks at Ramiel like she's seen her beating heart, as if she had it in her hands and pressed her lips to all its scars before gently placing it back in her chest.To even contemplate the depth of that sort of feeling scares the everlasting shit out of Ramiel. Knowing she's the object of it makes her want to jump into the sea and swim all the way back to Limsa. Lyse, as has always been her habit, thinks it's hilarious.
Relationships: Alisaie Leveilleur/Warrior of Light
Series: the one with violets in her lap [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2187465
Comments: 3
Kudos: 28





	bittersweet, undefeated creature – against you there is no defence

**Author's Note:**

  * For [treztine](https://archiveofourown.org/users/treztine/gifts).



> 1) this is an alt!timeline ramiel, who looks like [this](https://twitter.com/everymortalcare/status/1320491136838938624)
> 
> 2) she's born closer to "canon" in this one, which puts her at around twenty in stormblood, with the twins at nineteen
> 
> 3) i seem to have accidentally written the latter part of a series i have to flesh out after nano

Alisaie is unimpressed when she meets Ramiel in the latter's formal position as Warrior of Light. Young, brash, and foolhardy, she is every ilm the portrait of a careless adventurer. It's easy to dismiss her, even after she fells primals and storms Imperial garrisons. Enough brute strength will overcome most obstacles, if you don't care about collateral damage. And Ramiel, with her axe as tall as Alisaie and her skin like living steel, seems to only care for the pleasures her gil can afford her after those victories.

But then - then they plumb the depths of Dalamud's fall together. Ramiel throws herself at every obstacle and threat, using the strength Alisaie once reviled to protect. She squares her shoulders and swings her axe and _bleeds_ , all for her. Ramiel's cocksure grin melts into aching concern; the smug shine in her eyes reflects through a prism and becomes a look of knowing trust. Through Phoenix fire and Bahamut flame, Alisaie's regard for her is forged and tempered. Ramiel sieges the fortress of her heart, battering the doors down and setting up a home.

But then - then the Sultana. The godsdamned _Crystal Braves_. And Alisaie is forced to turn her attention elsewhere.

-

There are only so many places to hide on a boat. Ramiel should know, as she's availed herself of every single one to avoid Alisaie's attention during the long voyage to Doma. But a week into the journey and she's already used them all up. It started innocently (if not childishly) enough - making sure they were never alone, turning and running away the moment their eyes met, all the strategies Ramiel's employed with former paramours in her time before the Scions. Which is the actual problem, because so far as she knows, they've never spent an evening together. Yet lately, the elezen looks at Ramiel like she's seen her beating heart, as if she had it in her hands and pressed her lips to all its scars before gently placing it back in her chest. 

To even contemplate the depth of that sort of feeling scares the everlasting shit out of Ramiel. Knowing she's the object of it makes her want to jump into the sea and swim all the way back to Limsa. Lyse, as has always been her habit, thinks it's hilarious.

"Would you _stop bloody laughing_!" Ramiel says, in a righteous snit on the foredeck, nose full of sea salt breeze and nothing else. Lyse is doubled over and cackling, while Tataru giggles beside her. Ramiel pins the lalafell with a look of arch betrayal, saying " _really_ , Taru? Even you?"

"Oh, forgive me Ramiel, but it _is_ a little funny." Tataru says, waving off the accusation and doing a poor job of stifling her laughter. "To think the woman who charges into battle with naught but an axe and a prayer can be frightened by a girl half her size."

"Have you seen her bladework?" Ramiel says, a flush blooming hot on her cheeks. It's purely embarrassment and has nothing to do with remembering the times she's watched Alisaie drill. She'll never have Ramiel's muscle, but her careful destruction doesn't require it, and she makes the warrior choke on her tongue with every stroke.

"You're drooling, Rami." Lyse says, recovered enough to jam an elbow in Ramiel's side. She yelps like her ears got pulled, exaggerated and just this side of piercing. It doesn't end the conversation like she'd hoped. Instead, Lyse leans back and says "honestly, what's the problem? You're available, she's tense, why not let off some steam."

"Because it wouldn't just be _letting off steam_ , and you know that. I refuse to let her get hurt _pining_ for me after the fact." Ramiel hisses back, forcing her hands to unclench, claws wet with her own blood. Tataru pounces on the wounds immediately, forcing Ramiel to sit down as she cleans and binds them. Where she kept the supplies, the warrior doesn't know and won't ask. Tataru's miracles are her own business.

"Bit more than pining, at this point." Lyse says, beaming when Tataru makes a noise of wordless agreement. Ramiel wants to toss them both the ship. It wouldn't be hard and there'd be two less people to point Alisaie towards her during their daily bouts of keepaway. "You should hear her go on about you when you haven't pissed her off. Sounds a lot like lo-"

"If you finish that bloody sentence I will murder you." Ramiel says, ripping her hands out of Tataru's grip. Her axe is in storage with the rest of her armor, leaving her in simple traveling leathers. She's killed men before with and in less. Lyse, who's seen it happen, yawns and gives Ramiel a cheeky wave of her hand. "Fury take you, Hext, this isn't a game!"

"Then tell us the truth." Lyse says, all good humor gone from her face. She'd been doing the Scions a favor, keeping her sister's mask on and hiding a sharp, piercing gaze. It hits Ramiel like a boot to the chest and she buries her face in her hands, groaning. Tataru gives her a gentle pat on the head. Under normal circumstances it'd be patronizing, but right now, it only makes Ramiel think of her mothers. What she wouldn't give for their advice in this moment.

"I'm no good." Ramiel says after a long stretch of silence. Tataru scoffs and Lyse hums, a one-two combination that fills the gap between waves slapping against the hull and sailors shouting to one another. "I've spent almost half my bloody life drunk or between a stranger's legs, and when I'm sober I'm covered in blood. What's there to love about that? Who would even want to?"

Lyse frowns and tilts her head, saying "haven't you said you've only seen twenty summers?"

"Gods, that's not the point! She deserves someone _better_ , someone with a home and a family and a life beyond whatever fight they've been hired to win." Ramiel says, hauling herself off the deck and into a stretch that cracks her spine. Tataru shudders theatrically, only half as disgusted as she seems. A simple call and response they'd developed back in Ishgard, to foster some warmth in the frigid austerity of the Holy See.

Lyse doesn't respond and Ramiel has a breath to wonder why. Then she damn near screams when Alisaie says "is _that_ why I haven't been able to say more than two words to you since we got on this blasted ship?"

Ramiel almost hops over the railing and into the choppy seas on the power of her sudden shock. It's a near thing, but she holds herself steady and instead glares at Lyse. The hyur looks conflicted, satisfied yet not happy about it. She pushes off the ship railing and pats Ramiel on the shoulder as she passes, saying "it's for your own good."

"I'm going to make you pay for this." Ramiel says, words falling to the deck uselessly as Lyse and Tataru scamper away. The gutless _traitors_. Odds are she'll forget to do anything once her anger cools. It feels good to make the threat, though, and Ramiel lets her mind wander back to the image of her fellow Scions treading water as the ship pulls away in the distance.

The fantasy is interrupted when Alisaie marches into view and Ramiel stumbles backwards, mostly out of recent habit. The furious exasperation in every line of the elezen's face helps. Twice her height and three times her weight, but Fury take her Ramiel is not eager to test Alisaie in a stand-up fight. They stand there, swaying with the ship and letting their eyes flick over one another before Alisaie says "it seems unfair, that you alone are the one to decide what it is that I deserve."

"Alisaie, I didn't -"

"Be quiet. You don't get to talk right now." Alisaie says, arms crossed over her chest as she frowns up at Ramiel. "Almost three years we've known one another, and I thought I'd learned everything there was to know about the woman behind Eorzea's hero. But never did I expect or think you capable of cowardice."

"It's not that -"

"Shut up, Ramiel." Alisaie says, reaching out to grab her by the shirt. Her grip is strong and sure, bringing the viera down until their noses are almost touching. "You will not argue on behalf of your own fears, not with me, or anyone else for that matter. If you cannot return my feelings, then say as much, but those lies you fashioned for Lyse and Tataru are just that - falsehoods I have no time for."

"Wait, you're not - you're angry _for_ me?" Ramiel says, dazed by the proximity to Alisaie and the feeling of being shifted around with ease. The people who can move her without warning and permission are few. None of them are as slight as Alisaie. A distant part of her brain lights up as it considers this new information and Ramiel feels the blush from earlier come back with renewed favor.

"Of course I am, you fool." Alisaie says, sighing in that long suffering manner Ramiel's come to expect from all her comrades. It's different, with Alisaie, less like condemnation and more like a gentle hand cupping her cheek. She lets go of Ramiel's shirt and steps forward, leaning into the warrior's body. "Would that you could see yourself the way we do, Ramiel."

Stunned, Ramiel sputters out "you called me a one woman Calamity when we first met."

"And I stand by that assessment." Alisaie says, letting the ship's gentle rocking push her further into Ramiel, until it feels too awkward to _not_ hug the other woman. "But you are and always have been more than your axe. Even if you forget it at every available opportunity."

"A brute wholly unsuited to any work more complicated than razing buildings to the ground, were your exact words."

"Yes, well." Alisaie says, burying her face in the folds of Ramiel's clothes. It's cute - and Ramiel will be teasing her about that once this strange trip is over - and the pout that follows even more so. "I was young and you were infuriating. Thancred almost killed you, if we're recalling past sins."

"We were both drunk and I'd insulted his manhood. All's forgiven." Ramiel says, surreptitiously pinching herself on the thigh. It stings, which means the soft, steady pressure of Alisaie's arms around her middle is real. Ramiel's few idle daydreams are nothing compared to the first taste of the real thing. More's the pity that she has to reel herself back in from the comfort to say "I - Alisaie, this, _I_ can't be solved with a few words. No matter how much I wish it."

Alisaie pulls back, brow furrowed in annoyance. "I'm not Alphinaud, Ramiel. I know there's more to this situation than what one exchange can remedy. I only want to make sure you understand you don't have to do that work _alone_. I was your friend well before my infatuation with you, and I hope to be that regardless of how things go between us."

"How _will_ things go between us?" Ramiel says, nerves shot and stomach lurching. It's like she's staring down Ifrit for the first time, drunk on the heady mix of exhilaration and fear that combat always conjures in her. The old hurts linger on the edges of her mind, ghosts in the form of dead comrades and her mothers. They're not going away, possibly ever, even with Alisaie's help. But they don't seem as sharp as they used to be.

"For now? They won't." Alisaie says, slipping out of Ramiel's arms and smirking at the stunned look on her face. All this sound and fury for a "wait and see." Laughing, she says "we have a revolution to spark before anything else. After, well, we can see if your skills outside of combat are as robust as the stories say."

Alisaie departs with her own cheerful wave, leaving Ramiel to spend a full bell wrestling with the images _that_ parting shot brings up. She's no saint, Fury forgive her, and the times she's indulged with Alisae on her mind are memorable. They'll also get her killed if she lets them run wild during the battles to come. Groaning to herself and the pitiless sea, Ramiel slinks off belowdecks, studiously avoiding the other Scions. The next few moons are going to be all kinds of hell.

-

Innuendo aside, the "wait and see" plan dies an ignoble death. Alisaie shoulders the blame for it, though she'll argue the point with anyone other than Ramiel. It's not her fault that the warrior and Lyse thought she was going to let a score of angry Red Kojin tear her to pieces in the name of distraction. Alisaie will leave the heroic sacrifices to Ramiel and have less scars for the trouble, thank you. Yes, perhaps she didn't explain her plan thoroughly, but _really_ , there wasn't enough time and it should've been a given.

That said, Alisaie is still caught by surprise when she makes her way to shore and Ramiel shoves Lyse aside to swallow her up in an embrace. Alisaie's taken off her feet and _spun_ , only able to sputter uselessly. Soaked as she is, the joy that such an action should bring is sullied by irritation, and she hollers at Ramiel to put her down. She does, but only so she can kiss Alisaie soundly on the lips.

Distantly, she can hear Lyse mutter "oh so we're doing this right now."

Something to corner her over later. Alisaie is overtaken by sensations - Ramiel's gloves on her shoulders, cold and damp from the sea. Ramiel's lips, chapped and bloody and _perfect_ against her own. Their teeth click together and the warrior pulls back to laugh, the sound a small release of elation and anxiety, before capturing Alisaie's mouth again. Alisaie reaches out to touch Ramiel's face, hand shaking as it meets her cheek. Gods, the other woman is soft.

The contact wakes something in Ramiel, almost as if she's been roused from a dream, and she's suddenly a fulm away. Words are spilling out of her mouth, apologies and explanations that Alisaie isn't interested in entertaining. She gives Ramiel a once over, making sure that her axe is laying in the sand and not affixed to her back, and _leaps_. The warrior staggers and squawks in displeasure, which is another sound Alisaie doesn't want to bother with. So she kisses her, arms wrapped around Ramiel's neck and legs supported by Ramiel's steady grip.

Ramiel tries to pull away for a third time and Alisaie _growls_ , threading her hands through her hair. The temptation to pull is strong and she resists only by an ilm. Instead she nips at Ramiel's bottom lip, running her tongue over it as an immediate apology. Ramiel moans and the heat that sound stokes in Alisaie is a searing, liquid thing. Given enough time, she'll have her warrior on this very beach.

Lyse, thankfully, stops that from happening with a loud, pointed cough. Ramiel loses her hold on Alisaie and it's a minor feat that she's not spitting out a mouthful of sand. As is, she's put back down in a graceless rush of limbs and mortified stammering. With all the composure Alisaie can muster - no small amount, considering what she's had to deal with having Alphinaud as a brother - she turns away from Ramiel to look at Lyse. 

Who is crying from the effort required to contain her laughter. Wonderful.

-

The Royal Menagerie is a good place to brood, now that the whole of Ala Mhigo is focused on rebuilding.

Ramiel sits among the flowers, trying to relax and failing. Tension builds in her shoulders and releases in a twisted rhythm. The fight with Zenos haunts her in these quiet moments, the screeching of Shinryu mixing with his voice until it's a storm throbbing between her temples. Experienced as Ramiel is, she's never seen a man take his own life with ecstasy on his face. What is it that he saw in her at that last moment? What is it that he _ever_ saw in her, to think them twinned souls?

_The hunger_ , he'd said, so sure that she shared the same thirst. Ramiel wishes she didn't understand, wishes that she'd never bathed in the hot blood of another living being and felt joy under the spray. Maybe if she was a proper knight, dead behind her shield like Haurchefant. Maybe if she'd stayed with her mothers, safe and sheltered by their love. Maybe, maybe, maybe. All those possibilities, worth less than the breath it takes to speak of them. Ramiel is who she is, shaped and raised by the sharp edge of her axe.

The scent of violets mixes with the Menagerie's heady florals, familiar enough that Ramiel could pick it out from a hundred bouquets. Alisaie's sure step follows, the intrusion on her privacy complete as the other woman sits down beside her. Out of the corner of her eye, Ramiel can see her shake her head, saying "I thought I'd find you here."

"I'm that obvious?" Ramiel says, still focused on the sky. It's a cloudless day and she can see Shinryu's writhing coils shredding the blue. The primal's wounds bled scorching aether, gouts of it turning swathes of Ramiel's skin into charred, weeping canyons. The phantom pain has been waking her up every night since the battle.

"To me and a few others." Alisaie says, confidence unshakable. "Alphinaud mentioned your vigil in Ishgard, after you felled Thordan. And while Zenos bears no resemblance to those you lost there, I believe the feelings you're wrestling with are similar."

Ramiel snorts and lets herself fall into the flowers. Alisaie takes it as the invitation it is, tucking herself into the warrior's side. They've shared moments like this ever since their journey across the Ruby Sea, intimacy brief and precious. What they haven't done is _talk_ , and Ramiel is paralyzed in the shadow of that conversation. She's never been more than a bed warmer for the women in her past. Something tells her Alisaie won't settle for stolen moments much longer.

"He called me a beast. As a compliment, I think." Ramiel says, and Alisaie hums softly, tracing aimless patterns on her chest. Her patience is a gift that the warrior will never be able to repay. A breeze picks up, mixing Alisaie's scent so thoroughly with the garden's that Ramiel can barely tell them apart. "He was right. He _knew_ who I was, before you all made me a hero."

" _You_ made yourself a hero, Ramiel. No matter what happened before, you define yourself with every action you take in our defense now." Alisaie says, teasing the thin braid of hair Ramiel wears long in contrast to the rest of her short curls. With every gentle tug of the elezen's fingers, she feels her body let go that much more. "You've always been better than you give yourself credit for. You're certainly better than what a madman says of you."

"My faithful chevalier." Ramiel murmurs, smiling as Alisaie squirms at the nickname. The blush that overtakes her entire face when she hears it will never get old. "You haven't changed your mind, have you?"

"About your intelligence, perhaps." Alisaie says, and Ramiel guffaws, turning her face to press a kiss into the other woman's hair. "For your information, not everyone has the privileges with my person that you do. You're the _only one_ , in fact."

"You could find a score of women more suited to you." Ramiel says, ignoring her angry huff and barreling on. "Ones who don't have nightmares that keep them awake for hours every night. Whose fangs and hands aren't stained red. I'm not easy to like, let alone love. I don't want you to regret anything, in the future."

"Gods, you're impossible. I need you to listen well, because I will not repeat myself. Is that understood?" Alisaie says, straddling her waist in a flourish that leaves Ramiel just this side of breathless. She has enough sense to nod, hands settling on Alisaie's hips as she follows the order. "There is no one else who stood by my side when I desperately needed her. There is no one else who has let me stand with my own strength when it was necessary. There is _no one else_ , because there is only _you_ , Ramiel. You are my warrior. You are my _heart_."

"Oh." Ramiel says, voice a weak, thready thing. Her thoughts have been obliterated, scattered to the winds with no hope of recovery. There's only Alisaie, looking down at her with equal parts fondness and indignation. Ramiel hopes she'll be able to remember every single word spoken, when she looks back at this moment. It's rare to hear so many from Alisaie at once, and rarer still that they concern _this_. At a loss for anything else, Ramiel says "I - you have me, then. For as long as you wish."

"As if there was any question." Alisaie says as she shakes her head. With a sigh, she leans down and kisses Ramiel once. The gesture is simple - chaste even - but it settles the persistent ache in the warror's chest. It's a pain she was hardly aware of, before, and with it soothed there's only a pleasant, steady thrum. Alisaie rests her head beneath Ramiel's chin, and mutters "you foolish, brilliant woman."

"All yours," Ramiel says, her voice soft with something like grateful disbelief, and within half a bell the Royal Menagerie becomes an excellent place for a nap.


End file.
